Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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