He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
