and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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