There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
