you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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