I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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