Kiss
Puke
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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