her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
