i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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