If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
