do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
