butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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