I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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