six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If I die, sorry about rent.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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