this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We named our party play list daddy issues
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
