I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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