Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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