Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
