is your mom at the bar?
Just cropdusted the office
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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