I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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