We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My ATM looks so different sober.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize