DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
