OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the day after is always just damage control
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize