The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
