i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
