and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
