why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
