i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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