is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
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