sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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