Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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