a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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