tonight lets celebrate not being married
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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