I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
