I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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