Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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