We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
