new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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