I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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