dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
