her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
