I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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