vagina is talking i cant
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
