just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize