put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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