I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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