he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
