You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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