You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
