I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
