rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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