Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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