dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
