im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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