Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
