my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
