thus making me awesome and them whores
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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