this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize