I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
