dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
