she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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