i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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