Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
