Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize