i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
